Collaborative Divorce
What is Collaborative Family Law? Collaborative family law is an alternative to the more traditional litigious approach to divorce. Divorce is never pleasant and is often an unwelcomed part of one’s life. The difficulty of divorce is frequently compounded by a litigation experience that is adversarial. Collaborative divorce is by definition non-adversarial. Collaborative divorce will give you the ability to maintain control over the divorce process, preserve your privacy, and prioritize the welfare of your children. Collaborative divorce will allow you to work creatively with your partner to generate solutions satisfactory to all parties involved.
How does the Collaborative Process work? The collaborative process generally begins when you and your partner hire collaboratively trained lawyers. Your lawyers will work with you in choosing a neutral mental health professional and a neutral financial professional. On occasion, the mental health counselor or financial advisor will be the starting point for the collaborative process. No matter the starting point, it is extremely important to choose a team that will work for your best interests.
The role of the mental health professional is not to conduct therapy with you or your partner; rather, the mental health professional serves as a process facilitator who helps all team members develop goals, prioritize the goals during the collaborative process, and address obstacles impeding progress toward goals. If necessary, the mental health professional also helps the participants develop a parenting plan.
Why collaborative divorce? There are many reasons why you might want to engage in a collaborative divorce. First, collaborative divorce can be less expensive than traditional divorce. The collaborative divorce option can reduce costs by avoiding a long, drawn-out divorce process. It may not always be the cheapest alternative, but it may be. Second, the collaborative divorce team works very hard to reduce the amount of emotional turmoil encountered in the divorce process. Notice that I did not say ‘eliminate’ emotional turmoil. Divorce is a very emotional experience, but by working together the best possible outcomes can result. Three, you can protect your children from the emotional harm that often ensues from divorce. Oftentimes, children are caught in the middle of a divorce war that has both short-term and long-term negative emotional and behavioral consequences. By modeling how to handle your divorce amicably, parents demonstrate for their children how to handle disappointment and disagreement in a mature and responsible way. Four, you maintain control of the process. In a traditional divorce the couple may surrender a great deal of control to a judge or a mediator. In a collaborative divorce the divorcing couple is responsible for the process and outcomes of their divorce settlement. Fifth, you maintain your privacy. In a traditional divorce any information submitted to a court becomes a part of the public record. In a collaborative divorce your personal information, such as your income, is protected.
Is collaborative divorce right for us? The most important factor in determining whether or not a couple should engage in the collaborative divorce process is whether or not you are willing to creatively work toward mutual goals. If you want to “stick it” to your spouse, then a collaborative divorce is not for you. If, however, you are willing to work together to generate solutions that are mutually beneficial and in the best interests of your children, then a collaborative divorce may be the right path for you.
The ultimate answer to the question Is a collaborative divorce right for us? is this: what do you want your post-divorce life to look like? What do you want the post-divorce life of your children to look like? Do you want to effectively co-parent? Do you want to preserve some sense of family? If so, the next important question is What is the best path to acheive what I/we want? Is a potentially divisive, public divorce the best path or is a dignity and privacy-preserving collaborative process the best path?
If you would like more information about collaborative divorce, call me at 407-670-4395 or email me using the contact form.
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